


I can't help but love you

by MalecRunes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, But still with shadowhunters etc, Comfort, Cornertime, Crying, Cuddles, Dominant Alec, Fainting, Feels, Fluff, Isolation, Knotting, Light BDSM, M/M, Mating Bond, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Praise Kink, ProtectiveAlec, Punishment, Smutt, Spanking, StressedMagnus, Trust, Worried Alec Lightwood, mate, sick, submissive magnus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-04 03:47:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11546844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecRunes/pseuds/MalecRunes
Summary: Magnus Bane has a difficult past. Being the High Warlock of Brooklyn has brought enough stress in his life but being a submissive? That has made his life more difficult than he could imagine. With past relationship slowly breaking him, he turns to heat supplements and vows to never trust a dom again. But of course, nothing ever comes without a price, with his health slowly deteriorating he needs help that he won't admit he needs. He uses confidence and boldness to make himself seem confident to others while putting up a wall between him and his submissive side.Cue Alexander Lightwood, Head of London Institute, a dom Shadowhunter following his parent's orders. To be the best son they could wish for to carry on their legacy. Of course, this isn't quite the life Alexander had planned for himself. With orders from his parents to find himself a mate before he turns 21 and with this looming ahead of him, he is stressing. This is until he stumbles into Magnus Bane.





	1. Monsters stuck in your head

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this is just a fanfiction I often look for but never find so I'm giving up and writing one myself xD Also I'm a horrible writer so if you do have the fate of reading this I'm sorry in advance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander looks up Magnus at the Insitute while Magnus himself falls deeper as he continues to ignore his needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a writing suggestion from someone to write in smaller paragraphs so that it's easier for everyone to read which is what I've hopefully done? Hope you enjoy it! I'll be getting to a Malec scene in the next chapter ;) Also I've put Jace as a Lightwood because I find it easier to write and I like it :) I had separated the last paragraph but for some reason, it's published together -_- I love my laptop so sorry about that!

The morning came much too soon for Magnus as he forced himself to open his eyes as he stretched, similar to how a cat would. He looked around the room until his eyes landed upon Chairman waiting patiently (for once) to be let out. Magnus flicked his wrist and the door opened slightly allowing Chairman to scurry out. Magnus wanted nothing more than to snuggle back into his bed and fade away from the world but sadly responsibility wouldn't let him. He groaned quietly and stood up to walk over to the full sized mirror. Magnus dropped his glamor and glared at himself in disgust. No wonder why a dom never wanted to stay with me he thought as he looked himself up and down. Not many knew that he didn't have a bellybutton and he wanted to keep it that way. He hated himself for having glowing ugly cat eyes but having no belly button? He wouldn't be surprised if he was despised even more for it. Only Cat and Ragnor knew about it and even then they didn't bring it up often. Out of disgust or awkwardness, he would never know and he didn't want to. 

Shaking his head quickly to snap himself out of his thoughts he quickly pulled on some loose pants and a black t-shirt before making his way to the connected bathroom. He opened the cabinet above the sink and took out his heat pills. He swallowed two before screwing the cap back on and putting them back. Magnus made his way out his bedroom, past the kitchen, and towards the office to continue working on the spell. Food being the last thing on his mind. 

Across the city, Alec was standing in front of the computer contemplating searching up the name Magnus. Curiosity soon got the better of him and he quickly typed his name into the system and pressed enter. He silently gasped as his eyes wandered over the many pictures littering the screen. He scanned through them until his eyes fall across the information the clave had collected about Magnus. He was born in the 1600s and was a warlock? Alexander frowned at this as he continued reading through the information. His warlock mark was his gold cat eyes (that looked absolutely beautiful might he add) and there was no information on his status. Alexander glanced around himself quickly, making sure no one was watching him before he cleared the search and brought up details on the mission they were preparing to go on. His eyes flicked over towards Jace and Izzy who were currently in a heated discussion about the recent mission Jace had decided to go on by himself without clearance. Alec quickly made his way over to them while digesting this new information about Magnus. 

'You should have cleared it with mom before you went off demon hunting!' announced Izzy once Alec was in hearing range. 'I thought that was what you were doing' Jace shot back as he waved his arms around trying to prove his point and win the argument. 'Whats going on here?' asked Alec as he watched the two. 'Your parabatai decided to go off demon hunting without clearing it with mom before he left.' exclaimed Izzy. 'Well if you had been clearer about where you were going we wouldn't be in this mess' muttered Jace. Izzy shot daggers at Jace and was about to reply with an insult when Alec decided he should step in. 'Whats done is done. Just make sure to do a full report on it and don't miss out any details. Mom can't be too mad if you did a good job' he sighed. With everything going on in his life he didn't need more stress. Alec's mind went back to the information he had just come across. Why didn't Magnus tell him he was a warlock? and why was there nothing on his status? 

'Hey, Alec? You with us' asked Izzy as she continued clicking her fingers in front of his face. '‘Yup, I’m with you Izzy’ replied Alec. ‘Great! Now that you’re back, I’m going to cook some lunch for us.’ Izzy declared. Alec and Jace both groaned silently at this and prayed they wouldn’t get food poisoning as they both silently followed Izzy to the kitchen. Jace stopped Alec just before they passed through the door. 'Hey, Alec are you alright?' asked Jace as he glanced over at Alec realizing how tired he looked 'All this stress can't be good for you and having to find a mate soon can't help.' Alec sighed 'I'm fine Jace, just need to get this sorted and then I'll deal with finding a mate.' Jace nodded still concerned but let the subject drop as they walked through the door leading to a singing Izzy. Alec's mind slowly wandered back towards the warlock as he sat down on a chair next to the counter.

Magnus slammed the book shut as he stood up from his chair. The spell wasn't getting anywhere and it was already Saturday. Magnus realized with a sigh that this might mean he would be working an all-nighter. At this thought, his mind drifted back to Alec who since yesterday still hadn't quite left his mind and he wasn't sure why. He realized with a shock that he was attracted to Alec. His submissive side of him giving out a happy purr at being dominated again by an dom. Magnus was quick to shut that side of him down again as he stormed into the bathroom and opened the cabinet quickly before taking another dosage of pills. He walked back out and decided to make himself a small sandwich as an afternoon snack as he failed to remember the last time he had actually wanted to eat something. It was a side effect of the pills, lack of appetite along with many other things. 

He grabbed the knife and brought it over to the butter but stopped suddenly when he saw it glisten in the sunlight. He studied the knife for a minute longer before pulling back quickly like it had burnt him. He threw the knife into the sink and began taking deep breaths. Demons from his past flooding his mind making him blink back tears as he tried harder to breathe clearly. But it didn't seem to help as he realized with a fright he was about to go into a panic attack. He gripped hold of the counter tightly as he tried to control his breathing which still wasn't helping as he saw black dots appear in his vision. He soon gave up, letting the darkness take him as he fell over onto the floor hitting his head against the counter which knocked him straight out.


	2. Dead of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alexander met on a bench in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to actually write a small chapter yesterday night at about 11 am so here it is! I waited until today to post it so I could go over spelling etc and made sure what I wrote actually made sense. Hope you enjoy it! (Also the notes at the end of this chapter are meant to be the end notes for the first chapter I wrote? I'll work on getting rid of that when I get back)

Magnus rubbed his hands over his face as he tiredly got up from his seat in his office, he had been working on a new spell to help a werewolves daughter who was currently sick. The werewolf had been working Magnus into overdrive and was demanding that the spell was finished by the end of the week. With it being already Thursday when the werewolf had come to his door, Magnus hadn't gotten much sleep and was suffering the consequences. He stumbled out the door and towards his couch. He had earlier redecorated his living room to give it a more ‘cosier feeling’ which is what he will tell guests as they walked through the door but really it was just so it was easier for him to get around as he seemed to be tripping over more often. He dramatically threw himself onto the couch and glanced over at the clock hanging off the wall and read 1:28 am. 

He sighed as he sat up and put his head in his hands, he had stayed up later than he was planning to. He didn’t know why he did this to himself. He could have easily sent the werewolf away but decided to do it because he liked helping people and he felt like he needed some sort of punishment. Magnus has yet to forgive himself for letting down his last Alpha who walked out the door even though it was many hundreds of years ago so he uses customers who work him to the bone as punishment. Not the best way to deal with things he thinks but I suppose I do know why I do this to myself then. Instead of going to bed like he should have done, he decided a nice walk to the park and back would be a good idea. Magnus threw on a jacket and quickly walked out the door and down the steps leading out to the cold night. 

A loud slam was heard in the Institute as Alec stormed into his room narrowly missing hitting his desk. He was absolutely furious with his parents who had just told him that if he didn’t find a mate before he turned 21 they would find him a mate themselves. Being next in line to run the Institute was one thing but also being a 19-year-old gay teenager who was still closeted put more pressure on him living up to the high standards that his parents had set him. Alec had a feeling Izzy knew he was gay but she had never mentioned anything about his sexuality so he wasn’t sure. To make things even better Alec was pretty sure he had a major crush on his parabatai, Jace. Whom was 100% straight and only saw Alec as his brother and best friend. He needed a year long vacation somewhere on the complete opposite of the Earth but sadly this wasn’t possible. Alec decided he needed to get out of the Institute for a couple of hours to blow of some steam. He activated his soundless and stealth rune using his stele and quickly snuck out. He didn’t want to be bothered so he decided to head towards the nearby park which would hopefully be empty by now as it was 1:30 am in the morning. 

Magnus was quietly heading over to a bench by the side of the park that was surrounded by clouds. The weather was gloomy with dark clouds littering the sky making the stars barely visible. This put Magnus into an even more sour mood as he realized he wouldn’t be able to watch the moon. Of course, he could just magic the clouds away but with his magic already low enough he decided not to risk it in case some demons decided to make themselves known. He sighed as he sat down and pulled his jacket closer around his body. He let a little bit of his magic warm him up as he looked over the park. He suddenly sensed someone behind him and quickly turned his head around in time to see a man approach him. ‘Do you mind if I sit here?’ the stranger asked. ‘No’ replied Magnus stiffly, he wasn’t comfortable with this man sitting next to him when there were so many other benches available near them but he tried to not show his discomfort. Magnus watched as the man sat down next to him out of the corner of his eye. 

‘I’m Alec’ offered the man as he tried to break the awkward silence that had settled down between them. This gave Magnus a shock. Could he be Alexander Lightwood? The supposed son of Maryse and Robert Lightwood who was going to run the Institute in later years? Magnus contemplated giving him his real name but decided why not ‘I’m Magnus’. Magnus knew little about Alec but he knew he was an Alpha which made Magnus uneasy even though he knew he gave off the scent of an Alpha as well since to medication he had been taking. 

Magnus glanced down at his watch and cringed at the time 3:49, he should really be getting back and sleeping for at least a couple of hours before he had to get up and continue the spell and attend appointments. He got up quickly which was apparently a little too quickly for his body to handle as he stumbled slightly forward and was prepared to fall completely over until a pair of strong arms managed to catch him. Alec had seen Magnus stumble as he was watching him and was quick to catch him. ‘Are you alright?’ Alec asked in concerned as he watched Magnus try to get a sense of his surroundings again. ‘I’m fine’ Magnus replied curtly before straightening up and brushing himself off. Alec couldn’t help himself as he leaned in and sniffed Magnus. He smelled like honey and home and Alec had never smelt something as amazing as him. He backed up quickly as he felt Magnus stiffen in his arm and was quick to apologize. Magnus had not expected him to do that and had frozen up in instinct and reflex. Once Alec had let him go Magnus quickly walked away in the direction he hoped was his apartment. 

Alec watched as Magnus quickly walked away, confused by his sudden freezing up. He assumed it was because he had sniffed him which he now cursed himself for. That was a slightly more intimate act and wasn't something strangers who had just met did normally did. He didn’t even know if Magnus was even a downworlder but he had heard the name Magnus before, probably from his parents, so he promised himself to look up his name once he got to the Institute. He quickly turned around and made his way back before anyone started to question where he had gotten to. Meanwhile, Magnus had quickly made his way back to his apartment and closed the door behind him before slumping against it. He was annoyed at himself for allowing that moment of weakness in front of a shadowhunter and an Alpha yet as well. He had spent so long building up this wall of confidence but it was quickly coming down with the side effects of the medication he was taking. But he didn’t allow himself to think about it for too long before he made his way to his bed and magicked away his clothes and replacing them with boxers. He quickly climbed into bed and pulled Chairman close to him before promptly falling asleep.


	3. You can't hide your secrets and lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace gets injured and Alec realizes Magnus isn't who he thought he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on fire with these chapters! Hope you enjoy it :) (I don't know about posting rate right now so it'll just be whenever I have a chapter ready to post)

Izzy, Alec, and Jace were one of the most powerful dom trio known in the Institute. No one dared to question their orders and no one dared to threaten one of them either, knowing that the other two would come after them straight away. Izzy with her whip, Jace with his with his blade and Alec with his bow made a powerful team. Jace and Alec worked like one on the battle field while Izzy covered them from any sudden unsuspecting moves. Izzy had mated with an omega called Merliorn while Jace had mated with beta named Clary. Jace and Izzy were very protective over their mates and one wrong move towards them would lead to disastrous consequences. Alec had seen the way Jace and Izzy had looked at their mate and he wished he had that connection with someone. He was envious that he might not get that with someone he loved. He didn’t want to have a mate chosen for him but at this rate that was whats going to happen.

Alec sighed as he got ready to go on the demon hunt. Some demons had decided to interrupt one of the streets in the city creating havoc. Luckily they were glamoured so the mundanes couldn’t see them which put some of Alec's stress at ease. They had glamoured the street so that it didn’t look like a tornado had wrecked through it until they could decide how to approach the situation. Usually, they would have jumped straight in and killed the demons but with the way, the street was positioned and the circumstances they decided to make a more planned approach to it. The trio quickly geared up after a meeting on their plan of attack. 

They made their way quickly through the streets before climbing up through the fire escape to give them a height advantage on the demons. They surveyed the area picking out the best way to enter the fight and jumped down. The next 30 minutes was full of arrows flying through the air, Izzy's whip cracking down on the demons and Jace's blade slicing through flesh. They were almost finished when an unexpecting demon suddenly slashed Jace while he was fighting another a demon. Jace fell onto his back gripping his side as he screwed his eyes shut. Izzy and Alec were quick to finish off the other demons before running over to Jace’s side. ‘He’s seizing’ exclaimed Izzy as she tried to hold him down. ‘The claws must have been laced with poison’ said Alec. He realized with a shock that the Institute wouldn’t be able to heal a wound like this and they would need a warlock. ‘Whose the nearest warlock?’ asked Alec as he picked Jace up bridal style. ‘Magnus Bane’ said Izzy, ‘we will need to offer him a good amount of money in order for him to heal him but hopefully, he will.’ Alec and Jace quickly ran to where they believed Magnus lived.

Magnus groaned as he came around. He realized with a sigh that he was on the floor in a small pile of his own blood. He raised his hand to his head and touched the bump which had formed. He studied his hand as it came back with streaks of blood running down it. He couldn't keep living this but he couldn't suddenly become an Omega again. His thoughts were interrupted when there was sudden banging on the door. He quickly got up and waved his hand making blue sparks light the room as it was cleaned and restored back to how it was. He also quickly healed his head before making his way towards the door and opened it. Out of all people he expected he certainly didn’t expect three shadowhunters to be outside with one looking deathly pale.

‘Magnus please he is going to die, we will pay you however much you want but please help him’ begged Izzy. Magnus glanced over the three and with a shock realized the third one was the same shadowhunter he had met at the park. ‘I will but I don’t charge cheaply’ said Magnus as he waved them into the apartment and gestured for them to place Jace on the couch. Magnus grimaced when he realized his coach was going to get blood all over it but pushed that thought away as he concentrated on healing Jace. It took 30 minutes to get all the demon poison out of his blood and another 10 minutes to heal up all his wounds. Magnus’ sight became more blurry as time went on but he pushed through it, he wasn’t going to show any weakness in front of these shadowhunters he thought. ‘He will be fine’ said Magnus as he made himself a drink ‘You can take him back to the Institute and you will be expecting my bill tomorrow’. ‘Thank you so much Magnus’ exclaimed Izzy as she and Alec picked him up. They moved towards the exit when Alec turned to Izzy ‘I think I might stay and help him clean up the blood’. Izzy eyed her brother carefully ‘Sure but don’t knock over anything his things probably cost a fortune.’ Izzy moved so she could hold Jace herself and quickly made her way out the door.

Alec had decided to stay over because he wants to help Magnus clean up the mess and hopefully talk to the warlock about the other night. He walked back through the hallway to see Magnus scrubbing at the blood on the couch. He leaned on the wall watching the warlock work as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why couldn’t Magnus use magic? He thought, surely we hadn’t drained Magnus that much of magic. Alec moved towards Magnus and placed a hand on his shoulder which elected a surprised yelp from the man. ‘Sorry’ apologized Magnus quickly as he blushed with embarrassment, ‘I wasn’t expecting anyone to stay’. Alec almost cooed at the man who looked absolutely adorable before he shook his head realizing he was getting feelings for another dom. Alec chickened out before he could ask about the park and instead said ‘I was wondering if I could use your bathroom’ as he looked anywhere but at Magnus’ face. ‘Sure, use the one connecting to my bedroom as the other one is a mess’ muttered Magnus as he tried to get his embarrassment under control. 

Alec nodded before walking over to what he assumed to be Magnus’ bedroom and stepped inside. He tried to not let his gaze linger too long around the room before quickly moving towards the bathroom. He stepped into the room that looked as big as his room back at the Institute. Alec moved towards the sink to wash the blood off his hands before looking himself over in the mirror. He was happy he didn’t have any blood on his face and went to turn around before realizing the mirror was, in fact, a cabinet. His curiosity again got the best of him as he pressed it open and looked over the many medications littering the shelves. He realized with a shock that one of the bottles was used to stop heats and another was to hide the scent of a submissive. Surely Magnus wasn’t a sub thought Alec but the evidence right in front of him told him otherwise. He quickly closed the cupboard before Magnus came in wondering what was taking him so long and exited the bathroom. He made his way back to the living to see Magnus still scrubbing madly at the couch. ‘Magnus?’ questioned Alec, Magnus looked up at his tone of voice before nodding for him to continue. ‘Are you a submissive?’ asked Alec. Magnus' eyes widened and that was all the clarification Alec needed to be certain.


	4. I'm slipping into the deep end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets a bit violent while Alec tries to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! This chapter was more of a filler but I'll be starting more of an actual plot tomorrow. I might follow some of the recent episodes in my later chapters but I have an idea for what I want happening now. It has been a slow build up but after this chapter things will start getting more exciting. Hope you enjoy reading!

‘N-no what makes you think that?’ stuttered Magnus praying Alec hadn’t heard his slight stutter. How could he had been so foolish thought, Magnus, angrily. He had known it was a bad idea to let the shadowhunter into his personal bathroom but the other one was such a mess and he didn’t have the energy to use his magic and clean it. He didn’t think the shadowhunter would go snooping in his private stuff. Alec did notice Magnus’ stutter and carefully walked up to where Magnus was still kneeling with one hand still holding the cloth. ‘I saw the medication in the cupboard.’ Alec replied softly as he laid a gentle hand on Magnus’ shoulder.

Before Alec could fully understand what was happening he was thrown against the wall with Magnus’ magic circling him dangerously but not touching him. The alpha in Alec growled at this and wanted to put the omega in its rightful place but Alec pushed it down. Magnus wasn’t like a normal omega and he could tell he was hurting badly. He needed attention and comfort which he doubted he had gotten before. ‘Magnus’ called Alec softly as he watched the omega storm towards him angrily. ‘Don’t you Magnus me.’ he growled ‘you don’t know anything about me.’ Alec could feel Magnus’ magic becoming weaker so he slowly lifted a hand up and placed onto the side of Magnus’ check. 

Magnus weakly but angrily pushed Alec’s hand away before walking back over to his couch and fall back onto it not caring about the faint blood stains that still remained. Alec carefully made his way over again and sat beside the omega. ‘You don’t know what its like, being an omega. Everyone thinks you're this weak person whose dependant on some alpha.’ spat Magnus. He angrily rubbed his hands across his face which was when Alec realized Magnus was trying his hardest not to let Alec see the few tears that had fallen. Alec knew how to calm down omegas when they got this distressed but he wasn’t sure if Magnus wanted him anywhere near him. 

‘You should leave’ sniffed Magnus as he flicked his hand towards the door. He couldn’t believe this one stupid mistake revealed everything he had been so careful to hidden. Of course, he could just remove Alec's memories of this night but he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. His magic was already on a dangerous level but after slamming Alec against the wall he could barely feel any of his magic left. He felt Alecs hesitation before his weight lift from the couch. Magnus listened to Alec’s footsteps as he moved towards the door before they came to a stop but Magnus was too far gone to realize. He slapped his hands over his mouth to try and muffle his sobs as tears quickly spilled from his eyes.

Alec looked back over his shoulder and gasped quietly in shock as he realized how distressed Magnus actually was and decided then and there that he wasn’t going to leave him alone. He quickly made his way back to the couch and wrapped his arms around the sobbing man. He was surprised to feel Magnus wrap his own arms around Alec's waist as he completely gave himself over to his tears. 

Magnus’ couldn’t care less at this moment. He didn’t even know why he was this upset. Probably because of the fact that Alec had the power to 1. Leave this apartment and tell everyone that the igh Warlock of Brooklyn was indeed an omega and 2. Alec could potentially take advantage of him his brain helpfully supplied. All his hard work would go to waste. In the short time Magnus’ had even known Alec. He knew he wasn’t the type to do either of those things but that’s what he had thought in the past and look where it had gotten him. Only one person knew of his status (besides his few close friends) and that one person was Camille. He wanted to get of those memories that she possessed but she had guilt tripped him since she was the one who had saved him on the bridge and Magnus knew that even after all the pain she had caused him, he still loved her. 

‘Come on let's get you into bed’ Alec said quietly as he lifted Magnus up startling him out of his thoughts. Alec was shocked at how light Magnus actually was but pushed that to the back of his mind. He would talk to him about it later once he had settled down. He moved to where he had previously entered to go the bathroom and carefully placed Magnus onto the bed. He took off his shoes and socks, leaving his pants and t-shirt on. He didn’t know how much Magnus’ trusted him at this moment but he assumed it was enough since Magnus’ hadn’t blown his head off yet. He chuckled slightly at that thought as that as he pulled the covers over Magnus’ body and watched him fall straight asleep. 

Alec quickly left the bedroom and scribbled a note before placing it onto the kitchen counter. He stayed for another 10 minutes as he got the rest of the blood out of the couch and cleaned up the smashed glass. He checked on Magnus once more to see him curled tightly in a ball as he softly snored before exiting the apartment. Alec pulled his jacket tighter to himself as he made his way back to the institute as he thought over the events that had just taken place. He knew he would be back tomorrow to talk to the man and hopefully, Alec would be able to help him.


	5. I will wait for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec goes back to Magnus' apartment to try and sort things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not posting! I completely forgot about this story and then exams took over so that wasn't fun but I'm back now and will hopefully start posting more regularly! This is more of a filler chapter so I can work out how I want the story to go.

Magnus woke up the next morning feeling lightheaded and ill. He gingerly rubbed the back of his head with his hand and tried to relieve some of the pain. He slowly got up and made his way out of the bedroom, not quite remembering how he got there in the first place. He gripped the counter as another dizzy spell washed over him before his eyes caught the sight of the note in the corner of his vision. Magnus picked it up and read it before crushing it in his hand and throwing it across the room. The simple movements left Magnus in a mess as he remembered what had taken place last night. 'Stupid, stupid warlock' he muttered angrily to himself when he realized what might happen next. Alec would have told the Clave about his status the minute he reached the institute and then he would be laughing stock for shadowhunters and downworlders. He glanced around his apartment looking for the mess he had created last night. 'Alec must have cleaned it up before he left' thought Magnus. The thought left a feeling of happiness in his body that someone would care enough to do that before he quickly stamped that feeling down angrily. He couldn't let himself feel this way towards a dom, he was probably just being nice so he could get into his pants and then proudly say he's fucked a warlock submissive. Before Magnus realized, he had sunk towards the floor which seemed to be a very commonplace these days. Magnus started panicking when he realized he couldn't breathe properly and realized with a startle that he had tears running down his face. 

Meanwhile, Alec was making his way back towards the warlocks apartment after staying the night at the institute. He had managed to avoid seeing Izzy or Jace which he was extremely grateful for. He didn't exactly fancy having a conversation with them after what had taken place at Magnus' apartment. He instead spent the next few hours working out before having a shower and making his way to his bed where he fell asleep quickly with the thought of a certain submissive in his mind. Alec was glad he wasn't scheduled to be on any missions today and he hoped he had waited enough before making his way up the steps of the building. It was 11:30 am and he had no idea what Magnus' sleep pattern was but he hoped he was awake. Alec knocked on the door of the apartment and took a step back as he waited. 

Magnus was shaken out of yet another panic attack to the knocking of his door. He hadn't scheduled for any appointments until later so he had no idea who could possibly be knocking on the door (his mind forgetting about the note stating that Alec would come over tomorrow to check up on him). He picked himself up and made his way shakily towards the door before opening it and immediately stiffening at the sight of who it was. 'Oh, it's you' muttered Magnus. He was proud of himself that he hadn't stuttered while speaking. 'Hey, I wanted to check up on you after what had happened last night. I assume you didn't read my note?' said Alec trying to choose his words carefully. He could see that Magnus still wasn't feeling well as he took in his messy hair and bloodshot eyes. 'I did.' shot back Magnus as he rubbed his nose, 'I don't know why you came back. I'm feeling perfectly fine and I don't need you to be here.' Both Magnus and Alec knew that was false but Magnus wasn't about to step down and let the dom do what he pleased. 'Magnus please let me in I want to talk to you' pleaded Alec as he continued standing in the doorway. Magnus sidestepped and allowed Alec into his apartment. He immediately regretted it when he remembered fully of what had taken place last night.

'Magnus before we-' said Alec before Magnus broke down again and started hitting Alec. 'You told everybody didn't you, that I'm a sub. Now nobody is going to take me seriously.' cried Magnus as he continued to punch Alec's chest weakly as the sobs to shake the warlock's body. Magnus had no idea why he suddenly started crying again. Probably because his submissive hormones were going crazy since he had forgotten to take the pill again. He was still feeling extremely light headed and this crying wasn't helping him feel any better. 'I didn't tell anybody hun, nobody knows.' hushed Alec as he tried to calm Magnus down. It was becoming apparent that the warlock wasn't calming down if anything he was getting more and more upset. Alec knew what he had to do and he hoped Magnus wouldn't hate him for it after. 'Magnus. Kneel' Alec's voice had a hint of a hint of the dom voice he rarely used. He made sure it wasn't enough to freak out the warlock but enough to make sure he followed the order. 

Magnus dropped to the floor before his brain had fully processed what had happened but he was already starting to hate himself for following the order so easily. Magnus realized with a startle that his breathing was beginning to slow down and his vision was starting to clear up.

Seeing that this had a positive effect on Magnus, Alec went and sat opposite him. 'Magnus I know that you're afraid I went and told everyone that you're a submissive but I promise you I haven't. Let's get your breathing back under control and then we'll talk alright?' Alec spoke softly reaching his hand slowly towards the warlock giving him plenty of time to back away. After seeing Magnus making no movements to get away from his hand, he gently pushed it through the warlocks hair and began smiling as Magnus started to breathe more evenly. He could tell the warlock was calming down and he hoped he could prove to Magnus he wasn't like other doms and that all he wanted to do was to talk and help him before he harmed himself even more.


	6. Hold your breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus talk and Magnus agrees to let Alec drop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took so long to finally update!

Alec gently moved Magnus up to the coach so that they were on a neutral ground. 'Magnus I need you to understand a couple of things. One, I promise I would never tell anyone your status as that is an extremely private thing. Two, what you're doing to yourself isn't healthy. You shouldn't be living off so much medication. It isn't good for your body.' declared Alec as gently as possible. Magnus nodded slightly, still not quite sure what he was doing with himself next to a dom shadowhunter. 'I'm sorry for all of this. I don't know whats come over me, I swear I'm not usually like this.'' replied Magnus making vague hand movements.' 

'I think I have a pretty clear idea of what's wrong' 

'And that would be?'

'You haven't dropped in a while have you?' 

Magnus physically flinched at that, 'It isn't any of your business'. Alec sighed gently, 'You're right it isn't any of my business but Magnus, what you're doing isn't helping you.' Alec moved so that he was completely facing Magnus. 'I could help you if you wanted'. 

'What' exclaimed Magnus quickly standing as he moved away from Alec. 

'Let me drop you' said Alec who quickly continued before he could be interrupted, 'Being a submissive is nothing to be ashamed of and I promise I won't take any advantage of you'. Magnus quickly shook his head, 'No, I have no reason to trust you. You're a shadowhunter who I barely know. Most of your kind would brag about dropping a warlock the minute they reached the institute.'

'Magnus I promise you I would never do anything like that, I've already shown you that I wouldn't tell anyone about your status. I assure you, there would be nothing sexual at all about this' declared Alec. 

Magnus knew what Alec was saying was true. He didn't want to drop at all but he knew that if he didn't soon, well who knows what would happen to his body. 'Alright' muttered Magnus after making up his mind. 'What?' exclaimed Alec after he jerked his head up to look at the warlock. He didn't think Magnus would actually agree to this. 'I said alright. You can drop me, but the minute after I come out of the subspace and I realize you've taken advantage of me I promise you, I won't hesitate with my magic' threatened Magnus.

'Alright, I understand. We'll stay just in the kitchen and the living room' promised Alec. 'And I would like you to have a safeword so I know if anything I'm doing is hurting you' 

'Red' Magnus says after a moment of thought, he understood what the traffic light system was and decided that would be good to use.

'That's good' agreed Alec. 'I'll go get us some food'

Alec headed towards what he assumed to be the kitchen. He’d like to feed Magnus dinner, but he wasn't sure when Magnus had eaten last so he thought to start slow and grabbed some crackers which he put onto a plate before heading back to Magnus. 

'Before we begin, I'd like you to eat the crackers and I'll feed you some strawberries later.' said Alec as he handed the plate to Magnus.

Magnus blinked quickly after accepting the plate. This wasn't quite how he imagined this night going but he wasn't complaining. He nibbled on the crackers before taking bigger bites after realizing just how hungry he was and it wasn't soon until the plate was completely clean. Alec gently took the plate away from Magnus. 'I'll go put the plate in the kitchen and bring out the strawberries. You put something on tv that we can watch.' 

He keeps the command gentle, just in case Magnus had changed his mind, but Magnus obeys without complaint. Alec heads into the kitchen to grab the plate of strawberries and a couple bottles of water. He walked back out to Magnus before placing them on the coffee table.

'I want you to stop me if this gets uncomfortable but I'd like you to kneel next to me while we watch tv and I'll feed you the strawberries.' 

Magnus obeyed quietly by kneeling on the floor as Alec sat next to him. Alec gently prodded a pillow under Magnus' knees to make sure he was comfortable before unpausing the show. As Doctor Who starts, Alec starts to feed Magnus the strawberries while trailing his fingers through Magnus' hair. As he continues feeding Magnus, the warlock melted into the touch, going boneless as he tips his head up asking for more. Alec chuckles slightly as he starts to stroke his thumb across Magnus' check. 

He immediately tells when Magnus has gone under although it took longer then Alec would have preferred but he wasn't about to complain. He gently lifted Magnus up which earnt him a whine. 'Sssh, You're a good boy aren't you.' Alec quickly soothes Magnus before placing him next to him and continued to play with his hair. Magnus looked beautiful like this. Alec could see how much this was helping him after suppressing himself for so long. This is what Magnus deserved and he was going to make sure he could do everything in his power to make sure Magnus was happy.


	7. Author note

Hey guys!

I am so so so sorry that I haven't been updating, I'm so bad at this. I have the idea to write this and then that inspiration leaves me as quickly as it came. I will attempt to write a chapter tomorrow once I review where I want this to go but no promises. Thank you all for the support and I love everyone of you!

MR


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